You’re Turning Out to be More and More Like Your Dad January 28, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Family, Music, Observations, Sports.add a comment
I want to marry Regina Spektor. We don’t even have to have sex. I’ll just buy her a piano so she can sing to me whenever I want.
I already think Roger Federer is going to shatter Pete Sampras’s record of 14 Grand Slam championships and finish his career as the greatest tennis player ever. Pete Sampras will be Bill Russell to Federer’s Michael Jordan. But, watching the Australian Open, I’m convinced that Roger Federer should be calling his own lines. Tennis now has instant replay at their big events and players are allowed to challenge line calls. In the first set alone, I think Federer made four challenges, all of them turning out to be botched calls by the line judges. The ATP should forget referees and implement a high school system where the players call their own lines.
Every time I go home my mom makes the comment that I am turning out to be more and more like my dad. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. For the most part it’s a good thing. He grew up dirt poor in New York City Chinatown, busted his ass in school and at work, which gave him the ability to raise three kids in Potomac. The same place where powerful lawyers, athletes, and politicians go to live. My parents don’t own a mansion, but I grew up more than comfortably. I was given everything I ever needed and most of what I wanted. I’m not sure exactly what my dad does, but it has something to do with doling out billions of dollars for interstate projects and dealing with disgruntled governors who want more money so they can build a prettier bridge that has no discernible merit. The Secretary of Transportation knows my dad by first name. But I digress… Along with all the good, there are those incredibly annoying little things that kids swear they will not do when they themselves become parents. But I think those mainly have to do with your parents not granting your outrageous requests. One of the things I’ve inherited from my dad is the tendency to overanalyze certain things. My dad overanalyzes everything. I had this conversation in the car with my dad a while back that went something like this:
Me: You know you could be making so much more money if you didn’t work for the government. So why is it that you toil away for relative chump change.
Dad: [silence, ostensibly to analyze the question]
Me: Can you ever answer a question right away, without ever having to analyze it?
Dad: [silence, ostensibly to analyze the question]
Me: Wow, you can’t even answer that question without thinking about it. I guess there’s my answer
Dad: [Chuckle]
I suppose this tendency to analyze things this deeply is part of the reason he’s gotten so far in life.
Why Men are Better than Women: Reason #21 January 27, 2007
Posted by wes285 in The List.add a comment
Here at Maryland, they offer a major in Women’s Studies. Noticeably, the University doesn’t have a Men’s Studies major. They don’t need to. They already have multiple majors that suffice. They’re called Business and History and Science majors.
View the list here. Feel free to add new reasons.
Mozart’s Weeklong Erection, Republicans win in 2008, sadly January 26, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Animals, Plain Strange, Politics.comments closed
An iguana named Mozart is getting his penis amputated. Mozart has had an erection, which has been described as red and swollen, for over a week and to prevent infection it must be removed. No worries though, iguanas have two penises.
I use Dove soap in the shower because it leaves my skin silky smooth. But in the winter, even Dove cannot prevent my skin from drying out, all over. I don’t have time to lotion up my entire body after a shower. But I’ve found a new soap. Wait, it’s so good it’s not even soap. Its a beauty bar! complete with soap, hydrating lotion, and cucumber and green tea scents. What a beautiful thing. If this can’t keep my skin from drying out I don’t know what can.
Terry McAullife was on Hardball the other day. For those of you who don’t know, he is the predecessor of Howard Dean as the Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. His latest job is as Chairman of The Hillary Clinton for President Committee. He’s a brilliant political strategist and under his leadership the DNC raised more money than the RNC for the first time ever. On Hardball he proclaimed that the Democratic presidential field was strong while the Republicans were weak. I understand he’s trying to push the Dems up and the GOP down, but what a ridiculous statement. I’m no political pundit, but the Democratic field looks just as “weak” as the Republican field, if not weaker. Hillary, Barack, John Edwards, Tom Vilsack, Bill Richardson, Joe Biden, Dennis Kucinich, Chris Dodd. All of these candidates would lose to John McCain or Rudy Giuliani. Yes yes, I know all the polls have Barack and Hillary within the margin of both of them. But those polls are of registered voters, not likely voters. Likely voters, is a different story. They’re both behind by 9-10% in matchups with McCain and Giuliani. But forget about polls for a second. Hillary, regardless of her stances on issues, is unelectable. If she renounced being a Democrat and ran as a Republican, half of the Republicans still wouldn’t vote for her just because her name is Hillary Rodham Clinton. Barack is Black. If he had at least a full term in the Senate that might not matter as much. I love Barack, but America isn’t going to elect a 40 something Black man who they perceive to have little experience. Plus, his name is Barack Obama, not Michael Johnson. It’s stupid, but for some reason that matters to the American people. So, no Mr. McAuliffe, the Democratic field is not strong.
The Return of Studio 60, Orange Glo January 23, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Girls, Observations, Television.3 comments
Studio 60 is finally back on. For the last couple days, Bravo has had Studio 60 marathons to build some momentum up to tonight’s new episode. Wisely NBC decided to air every episode except for the two part arc about Nevada, which is definetely the the lowpoint for the show’s brief run. I just can’t get enough of Wes Mendell’s ran on how shitty television has gotten:
“This show used to be cutting-edge political and social satire, but it’s gotten lobotomized by a candy-assed broadcast network hell-bent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We were about to do a sketch you’ve seen already about five hundred times. Yeah, no one is going to confuse George Bush with George Clinton. We get it. We’re all being lobotomized by this country’s most influential industry! It’s just thrown in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn’t include the courting of twelve-year-old boys. Not even the smart twelve-year-olds – the stupid ones! The idiots – of which there are plenty, thanks in no small measure to this network! So why don’t you just change the channel? Turn off the TV. Do it right now. Go ahead. There’s always been a struggle between art and commerce. But I’m telling you, right now art is getting its ass kicked, and it’s making us mean and it’s making us bitchy. It’s making us cheap punks and that’s not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump? We’re eating worms for money. Who wants to screw my sister? Guys are getting killed in a war that’s got theme music and a logo? That remote in your hands is a crack pipe. Oh, yeah, every once in a while we pretend to be appalled. America’s broadcasters have turned into pornographers. It’s not even good pornography! It’s just this side of snuff films. And friends, that’s what’s next. And the two things that make them scared gutless are the FCC and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycot. These are the people they’re afraid of feckless, off-the-chocks greed-filled whorehouse…this thoroughly unpatriotic motherf…”
No additional commentary needed there. Anyway, the new episode was pretty good. The show was a little less centered on the actual sketch show, and focused some on the network’s dilemma with the FCC. I hope NBS’s dealings with the FCC etc. remain part of the show. I love the idea of showing what it’s like behind the scenes of an SNL type show, but there isn’t enough to fill a full hour if we don’t get to see any of the actual sketches. The larger network dealings add much needed meat to the show.
Perfume Girl is also Orange Glo girl. She happened to be in the elevator, in all her aromatic glory, as I was moving some of my stuff back in to start the semester. Her hair has always been a firey orange color. Her face was a glowing orange. I figured she had abused the tanning salon during winter break. Then, today on the way down the elevator, her face was a fairly normal color. I’ve seen spray on tans before, but this girl must have spritzed herself in the face a few times with the cleaning product Orange Glo.
Magical Mushroom Carpet Ride January 21, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Drugs, Observations.add a comment
You know how people get sick from eating the wrong type of mushrooms? The one’s that are supposedly poisonous? I bet you they’re just on a magical mushroom carpet ride. They didn’t expect to meet Papa Smurf, so they assume they’ve eaten poison and call 911. Next time you eat a mushroom and unexpected things happen, just sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
Three quarters, four dimes and four pennies is the most change you can have and not be able to make change for a dollar.
I guess Truth Ministry has expanded its services beyond homosexuals. Finally a cure for Asians like me. I kid, I kid.
Addendum to Follow the White Walking Man January 19, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Traveling.add a comment
I got yelled at for apparently not givng credit where credit is due. I started playing “Follow the White Walking Man” about three or four years ago in New York City. But I never actually called it that until the last trip. Corey and I were trying to figure out where to go eat around Midtown and she said something along the lines of “let’s just walk and see where the white walking man takes us.” She claims she made it up on the spot.
There, happy now?
Follow the White Walking Man January 19, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Traveling.add a comment
I try to make it up to New York City at least once every year, usually more. My dad grew up in the city and my aunt still lives in the city, giving me a free place to stay every time I go up. There is no other place that I have ever been that is like New York City. Not Chicago. Not Boston. Not London. Not Paris. Certainly not D.C. There is so much to do that I won’t bother to list, but my favorite thing to do is just wander around the city. When I’m especially adventurous, I just follow the white walking man (I cross the intersection in the direction that the signal allows) wherever he leads me. Try it. Once in a while you’ll end up walking in a circle. Sometimes you’ll stumble upon a cool place that you either never would have gone or never knew existed. Regardless of where you end up, you’re bound to observe some interesting stuff. I love people watching in D.C., but nothing beats people watching in New York City.
People watching on the bus is also really interesting. I once took the bus down Third Avenue/The Bowery from around Harlem to Chinatown. Just watching the evolution of the people who ride the bus as you move down Manhattan provides you with a pretty good cross section of the city. I actually wrote down a bunch of stream of consciousness observations when I still kept an actual journal on the trip. It’s too bad I burned that journal a couple years ago, otherwise I’d post the contents here.
When I was younger, I would always come up with my family by way of automobile. Now that I come up on my own, the cheapest way to do so is the DC-NY bus. It’s a $35 roundtrip. At first, not many people knew about it and I could usually get my own seat. Part of it was probably that I would try to take the bus at what I thought would be off peak times. For the last two years however, the bus has been packed and I’ve had to sit next to someone. Sucks. Why does everyone always have to tell everyone else about a good thing? I like it better when I could stretch out and get comfortable.
On the way up, somehow me and this big Black dude were the only two people that had an open seat next to us. Just as I was thinking “awesome, I get my own seat this time,” a White woman gets on the bus. Shocker, she picks the seat next to me. Oh well.
Who Would You Do: Becks or Posh? January 14, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Celebrities, David Beckham, Sports, Television.3 comments
I gotta be up bright and early to catch the bus up to New York City tomorrow, so I didn’t go out and get hammered. Instead I watched Saturday Night Live. Jake Gyllenhaal hosted and The Shins were the musical guest, so above average guests. But, as usual, a few laughs here and there, but nothing to write home about, except for one skit. It was an acting class for people who wanted bit parts on Law & Order. You know, if you want to be the longshoremen who gets interviewed by Briscoe and Green about some strange dude you saw on the docks during the graveyard shift. Someone needs to put it up on YouTube so I can sit and watch it over and over again. Great skit. Too bad it got buried after “Weekend Update”. How that skit got stuck way at the end of the show is beyond me. It definetely should have run before midnight. What were you thinking Lorne?
David Beckham is coming to the U.S. to play soccer. The question everyone is asking is if Beckham can make soccer a popular sport in the U.S. The real question should be this: if given the chance, would you rather sleep with Becks or Posh Spice? And you can’t say a threesome with both. It’s one or the other. At this point, I haven’t made up my mind yet. It’d be a tough choice.
Bitter Women and The New Test for Ambidexterity January 10, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Blogging, Friends, Observations, Television.8 comments
I don’t know what it is, but recently Andy and I have noticed an inordinate amount of women on DCBlogsLive bitter at men. Is early January the time that most people break up or something? Trying to avoid Valentines Day? Or, even better. I bet blogging has the same effect on women as living together: getting their menstrual cycles in sync with each other.
The banner photo on DCBlogs is of a live Capitals game. That’s pretty awesome.
I was sitting on the can earlier today and had a sudden, well, not exactly an epiphany. The ultimate test of ambidexterity isn’t whether you can write consistently and legibly with your off hand or whether you can hit a baseball from either side of the plate. Or whether you can easily switch to southpaw in the middle of a fight. Nope. It should be how well you can wipe your ass with your off hand. Try it. It’s not as easy as you think it might be. Make doubly sure you wash your hands well afterwards.
When I Have Kids I Hope They Become Mathletes January 10, 2007
Posted by wes285 in Family, Ice Hockey, Observations, Sports.4 comments
I was talking to Andy the other day about his one day roundtrip to Virginia Beach the other day to coach his kid brother’s ice hockey team. Virginia Beach is 200+ miles away and he drove all the way down to coach some kids. I quickly told him he was a moron for driving all the way down for one game, a game that they lost anyway. I mean, there are 40+ games in the CBHL schedule, why make the trek for just one? Then I slowly came to the realization that I would have raised hell had my parents refused to drive me to any of my hockey games, regardless of distance.
This led me to two more realizations: hockey parents make incredible sacrifices for their kids to play and my parents must have been out of their mind during the winter months where my brother and I had ice hockey and my sister had basketball.
Yes, ice hockey is one of the more expensive sports to play. I think my parents paid around $1000 just in dues to Montgomery Hockey or the Blair High School Hockey Club for ice time and all that other overhead stuff. And that was just for the winter. They probably paid in excess of $500 for spring leagues. Then you throw in the equipment, which is not cheap either. My last pair of skates cost $300+, and those aren’t even the most expensive ones. But, the money isn’t really the sacrifice that hockey parents make. It’s their time. Before I was 16, my parents drove me to every practice and every game, often having to go to rinks in Frederick, Laurel, Baltimore, Virginia, and even further. Two to three times a week. For those of you not from the DC area, those are at least 30 minute drives with no traffic. But, practices were usually on weeknights right smack in the middle of rush hour. So, not only did my parents have to drive home from work through traffic, they had to shuttle me to my games and practices. Luckily gas was still in the $1.50 range. I can’t imagine the joy my parents got when I got my license and they no longer had to drive to practices. They still never missed a game though. Oh, and did I mention it was common that we would have 6am practices/games on Saturday and Sunday mornings? So much for sleeping in.
So take that time schedule, multiply it by two, and then add in my sister’s club basketball schedule, which was probably more busy than my hockey schedule. Somehow my parents made it to every game that was humanly possible for them to attend. I’m sure it was a relief when my brother and I started playing on the same team, which cut down the number of games they had to attend in a week by a third.
I want kids when I grow up and I want them to play sports and I want to be at as many games as I can as possible. But realizing what my parents went through timewise just for our sports (oh, and did I mention, me and my brother and sister played just about every organized team sport possible until high school) I’m almost hoping for nerds who like to stay inside all day and do math problems for fun. Almost.
