First Let Me Start With This, Fat People… January 31, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Metro, Observations.Tags: Fat People, Food, Morbid Obesity, Presidential Debates
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First just let me say, when I was organizing in Chicago…
Let me start off by mentioning, when I was First Lady…
First I would like to say, when I was Governor…
Let me just preface that with this, as a Senator I…
What is it with all the candidates during the debates always having to lead of with some tidbit about something they did way back when before semi-answering the question that was just posed to them. I mean, for chrissakes, answer the question, don’t answer the question, it’s entirely up to the you. But the preface to the answer is always actually part of the answer. Stop prefacing, its irritating.
Anyway, onto other things. The Metro, as you all know, is a constant source of amusement for me. Today, there was a morbidly obese woman in one of those high-powered electric wheel chairs waiting at the platform that my train was pulling into. There were a good six or eight feet between her and the doors. After people exited the train, she floored her wheelchair (well, as much as you can floor a wheelchair) in an attempt to get onto the Metro. Mind you, the entrance to the train car is generally about an inch higher than the platform. But, I’ve seen many people in wheelchairs successfully get onto the Metro. For whatever reason, I think the train was a little higher than usual. So, when this woman, with a full head of steam tried to jump the small gap between the platform and train, her front tires hit the bottom of the entrance and she didn’t make it onto the train. In fact, the wheelchair bounced back a few inches and, if it weren’t for her seatbelt, the woman very likely would have fallen out of her chair.
The woman quickly turned her chair and zoomed off after screaming a few unintelligible things. An awkward hush fell over all the passengers as they all stared at their feet and tried to process what had just happened. I bit my lip real hard to keep myself from cracking even the smallest smile. I know, I know, you’re not supposed to laugh at handicapped people. But, you know, its the little things that make life enjoyable. Anyway, it seems the woman did manage to get onto the train because I saw her get off at my stop.
This got me to thinking, at some point on your way to morbid obesity, don’t you take a look at yourself and say, “shit, I’m fat, I need to lose weight,” and then go do something about it? Let’s be honest. At a certain point, these morbidly obese people repulse you. I’m not talking about the run of the mill spare tire many Americans sport. I’m talking about, the types of people that would be featured on TLC’s I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day. If you’re shaking your head no, then you are full of shit. You can’t tell me that, when you walk by someone who is confined to a wheelchair because their waist size is 3 times bigger than yours, you don’t think to yourself, “what the hell went wrong there?” You’re at least a little embarrassed for the person.
I will concede that, to a point, certain people are genetically predisposed to being overweight. But when you can’t walk up one flight of stairs without being out of breath, don’t you think its time to, at the very least, stop putting so much damn butter in your food and consult a nutritionist to make an attempt at losing some of that weight? I mean, that would be like me getting lung cancer in 10 years and blaming it on the fact that I have a history of cancer in my family, completely ignoring the fact that I used to smoke regularly and still indulge in a cigarette now and then. How about a little personal responsibility people?
Marlo? He Got To Fall January 28, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Television.Tags: Marlo Stanfield, Prop Joe, The Wire
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If you haven’t seen the last episode of The Wire yet, don’t read this post.
In my 22 (almost 23) years of watching TV, I have never had such a visceral hatred for a fictional character as I do for Marlo Stanfield. There aren’t very many characters in The Wire (the greatest show on TV save for The West Wing) that are purely unlikeable. There’s generally something in each character that the viewer can feel some sympathy for. Not the case with Marlo. With the other drug kingpins in the show, when they want someone dead, there’s generally a valid reason, as far as “the game” goes. There’s sort of an unwritten rule that ordinary citizens not involved in “the game” are not to be touched. Marlo? If someone so much as looks at him the wrong way, you can be pretty sure that the offender is going to end up with hot lead in the back of his head from Chris or Snoop. A convenience store security guard for chastising him, not actually catching and reporting him, for stealing some lollipops (Marlo has millions of dollars, no reason to steal other than the sheer fact that he can because he is who he is). June Bug for allegedly insulting Marlo. The lady delivering chips to Old Face Andre’s convenience store just so he could frame Omar. He kills because he can, not because he needs to.
Okay, so far just an evil character that kills or orders murders on impulse. Not that out of the ordinary in drug culture I guess? But then this week, he murdered Prop Joe. After getting schooled by the older drug lord on the art of laundering money and shipping money to accounts overseas to literally getting clean dollar bills to finding him a lawyer, Marlo kills Prop Joe just because he wants to be at the top. He has no real beef with Prop Joe. He just wants to wear the crown. Even after Prop Joe offers to disappear and pass on the crown to Marlo, he gets one in the back of the head from Chris as Marlo looks on icily.
Sure Prop Joe was one of my favorite characters and I didn’t want to see him go. But the ice cold look in Marlo’s eyes as the Joe is shot in the back of the head is the look of evil incarnate (amazing acting job by Jamie Hector). I think I speak for just about every fan of The Wire when I say, using the words that have been become his trademark: Marlo? He got to fall.
Anne Hathaway Can Be My Hall Monitor Anytime January 24, 2008
Posted by wes285 in D.C., Stupid People.Tags: Anne Hathaway, D.C., Metro
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Apparently there’s an epidemic of children racing through Green Line Metro stations and slipping and falling. I’m not quite sure how else to explain the station attendant at the Archives/Navy Memorial stop constantly saying over the PA system “Please walk, do not run. We want you to get home safely, have a safe trip home.” In the six minutes that I waited for a train the attendant said this 9 times. I know this because the display said 6 minutes until the next train and I counted the number of times this mook of a woman repeated herself. I guess D.C. Metro riders are akin to 1st graders running from their classroom to recess at 12:30 pm. Oh, and I should note, I didn’t see a single person running through the station over the entire span of 6 minutes. Maybe she’s new and doesn’t understand that a station attendants job is to look as disinterested and aloof as possible.
I found out today that I’m not registered to vote. Not in D.C. Not in Maryland. When I switched my license and tags to D.C., I registered myself to vote in D.C. Today, I went online to figure out where I vote. Except, when I entered my information, it said that the voter database had no such person registered to vote. Okay, so maybe I’ll have to drive back to College Park, where I was last registered, and vote there. So I check the Maryland database to double check where I vote. I enter my information and a match is found. BUT, I have been unregistered and am no longer allowed to vote in that precinct. WHAT THE FUCK(please excuse the excessive interrobangs)?!?!?! So I’m guessing the moron at the DMV who processed my application unregistered me but, since her 2-hour lunch break was in one minute, put down the paperwork to go eat. On her return, she forgot about my registration and now I am registered to vote nowhere. Goddamn I hate this city sometimes.
And just because:
Mom, meet your future daughter-in-law. Anne this is my mom. Mom this is Anne.
Apparently Pervs Like My Blog January 23, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Plain Strange.add a comment
The following search term was used to find my blog: “my mommy plays with me when she washes me”. I’m not sure how I should feel about that. In the case that it was someone who was abused when they were younger, sorry to you. In the case that it was some perv, shame on you.
Also, three people searched “daniela hantuchova naked”.
Getting Hit By a Car is a Pain in the Ass, Literally January 22, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Drinking, Family, Friends, Observations, Pain.Tags: Accidents, Boston, DC NY Bus, Gold Rush Chicken Sandwich, Law School, Mom, New York City, Roy Rogers, Stupid People
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So, my parents happened to be up in New York City this weekend independent of me going. They were up to give my aunt a break from taking care of my dad’s aunt. She’s 80+ and dislocated her shoulder a month or so ago. My parents got up on Friday and walking back from lunch my mom got hit by a car crossing Delancey Street. They were correctly in the crosswalk and some guy wasn’t paying attention and hit my mom. She ended up in the hospital until Monday with a fractured pelvis and concussion. The gods have a cruel sense of humor.
My mom’s going to be fine. She has to use a walker and will be unable to work for a couple months. But there aren’t an internal injuries. The reason I bring all this up is because I was reminded again of how blessed I am with the family and friends ready to come help at a moments notice. My uncle used his day off to drive up to the city in his minivan and drive my parents (they took the bus up, which would have been impossible for my mom to take back). My friend Jeremy, who I was staying with, stopped by the hospital with me for a while. His older brother showed up, albeit right after my mom was discharged. The second we got home, my cousin was over with food. All of my mom’s other siblings stopped by once we got home to see how she was doing and a bunch of my mom’s friends are already lining up to bring food. It reminds of the parade of people in and out of our house when my mom had cancer. This, ladies and gentleman is the way it’s supposed to be.
Also, does anyone know any lawyers in New York that deal with this sort of stuff? The second I walked into the ER my mom said “so I guess this is how we pay for our bay house.” That’d be nice. Although, my parents aren’t the type to sue into oblivion, just what they should get. Again, the gods have a cruel sense of humor.
Moving on, I was also in New York City this weekend. I, like most poor people, take the bus. Perhaps the highlight is the stop at a Delaware/Jersey rest stop. You know why? Because they all have Roy Rogers and Roy Rogers has the Gold Rush Chicken Sandwich. Fried chicken filet topped with cheese, bacon and drizzled with honey all on a kaiser roll. That’s about as close to perfection as you get (the picture doesn’t do the sandwich justice).
Like many places on the east coast, New York City was deathly cold. 15-20 degrees with windchill that made it damn near unbearable. It didn’t stop me from going out at night, but I do like to wander around the city during the day, which was quite limited due to the wind and weather.
In one of my few trips outside, I did see a girl completely bundled up in a heavy coat, scarf, ear muffs and all. Except, as she walked by me, I noticed that her thong. Wait, what? Yeah. In the frigid weather, she was all bundled up, but showing some thong. I don’t find it sexy for someones thong to show to begin with. It’s trashy. Find some clothes that fit. But in the freezing cold weather? No one thinks that’s sexy. I’d say the majority of people would just think you’re stupid to cover up your entire body except your ass crack.
I went to Fiddlesticks in the West Village. I’d been there once before and thought it was decent. But this time around not so much. It was really bridge and tunnely, which I don’t really care about. I don’t live in the city, much less have some superiority complex about the non-Manhattan dwellers. I mean, I was practically dressed the part. But what was annoying was having to wade through the ridiculous crowd of people just to get a drink. Think Cornerstone in College Park or a handful of the bars in Adams Morgan like Angry Inch or Tom Tom’s. I used to be okay with going to places like these. But not so much anymore. Maybe its a sign of getting old. I was there for one drink and then left with Jeremy and went to some dive and knocked back a few beers. Much better decision. The meatpacking district and the area around 1st and 1st, also a much better decision which was followed up on the next night.
New York City isn’t as expensive as I thought to live in. Maybe its because D.C. isn’t exactly cheap either. But I wouldn’t have to pay that much more than I am now to live comfortably enough in Manhattan. Also, I wouldn’t have a car, so the amount I save on insurance and gas would almost make it a wash. Plus its closer to good skiing than D.C. New York is looking more and more appealing as a destination for law school. New York or Boston is where I’m at now.
I have been described as a “hilarious DC based blogger” by a blogger in Dallas. That pretty much made my day. So, because of that, Lauren Ratliff, your blog is going on my blogroll.
And To Think I Could Have Had a TV Show January 16, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Metro, Observations, Roommates, Vacation, Work, YouTube.Tags: Biological Warfare, Cheap T-Shirts, Clothes, Farting, Kenny vs Spenny, New York City, Sunflower Seeds, Tools
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There’s this first year associate at my firm that wears suits to work everyday. I’m not really sure why, since the standard dress code for the legal industry is business casual, unless you’re going to court or meeting with a client. Take a walk around all 14 floors of my firm and you’ll see maybe two people with suit and tie. Normally, I have no problem with a suit and tie. But two things annoy me about this guy. First, they’re cheap suits. You can just tell my the look of them. Plus, a lot of them are just ugly. This guy is making $160k+ a year. You can afford to buy a new suit or five. I’m also pretty sure he wears white socks. Second, he’s that douchebag. He has that all important “I graduated in the top 10% of my class and I’m so much smarter than you so go get me a coffee” air about him. Come on guy. Who are you trying to impress? You’re really not that important to the firm other than the fact that you bill at a lower rate than a 2nd year associate so they will work you to death and the partners will make more money because of it. You’re basically just a whore for the firm right now. You’re only one rung above me in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, I know that will be me in 4 years. But at least I’ll have the sense to know my role and toil away until I make partner.
People do strange things on the Metro. Not many things surprise me anymore and not many things disgust me. But today that wasn’t the case. Two girls got on a stop after I got on the train. They were blabbing on and on about Usher and Akon and who was better. Nothing too unusual. But then I notice one of the girls is chewing on sunflower seeds. Okay, still not a big deal. But, if you have sunflower seeds, the shell has to be disposed of somewhere. The floor of the dugout is generally acceptable. But if you’re not a baseball player, a cup in your right hand will usually do the trick. The girl didn’t have a cup. No, she was spitting the shells back into her hand and then dropping them back into the bag before should pulled new seeds out. 1) spitting them back into your hands? Seriously? I guess this is one of the reasons you don’t hold the handrail on the escalator. 2) Putting them back into the bag with the uneaten seeds? How do you know, then, when you go to get new seeds whether or not you’re getting new seeds or just shells? Well, I guess maybe she’s perfected that skill. Grody. At least she wasn’t spitting the shells on the ground. I guess?
A week ago Alex and I were having a serious war. It was after a night of serious drinking followed by a day of serious pizza eating and watching football. It was more along the lines of biological and chemical warfare than bombs and missiles. Honestly, Saddam might have been using similar stuff on the Kurds (too soon? I don’t think so). I feel bad for Jesse as he was simply an innocent downwind bystander. But, that’s what he gets I guess. I’m pretty sure I, as the underdog, won that particular battle. In any case, that reminded me of this from the show Kenny vs Spenny (by the way, its an must watch show for the male 13-25 demo). If you don’t have a penis, you might want to skip over this video. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I think Kenny needs to check his pants, or jumper. Now, if only we could get Alex to hook himself up to a bike tire pump.
Well kids, I’m off to New York City this weekend. What do I usually do there? I’m not really sure. Just kind of wander around aimlessly. Somehow, I always end up with a new old t-shirt or three on my way back. I have two drawers full of these $2 shirts. My mom doesn’t get it. It’s a shame though. These shirts won’t get worn much. My wardrobe pretty much consists of Brooks Brother shirts, slacks and black socks on a daily basis. Oh well. Who can resist cheap t-shirts that no one else can have? Not you. Not me. Not anyone.
Naked Texting on a Segway While Eating Spaghetti January 4, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Blogging, Family, Food, Hilarious, Ice Hockey, Observations, Plain Strange, Politics.Tags: Barack Obama, Capitals, Family, Mooks, Power Rangers, Segways, Spaghetti, Texting
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This year I actually made New Years resolutions. I made 102 of them to be exact. Let me list them out for you. They’re all up in my head. Oh wait, I can’t remember any of them. Nevermind.
Anyway, I used to, occasionally, write posts with several different two sentence thoughts (wow that sentence sounds awkward). This was before, of course, I became the eloquent writer I am today. Since I don’t really have any one topic that I could make a cogent post about, I’m going to blog like its 2004.
Little kids are amazing. I have five nieces and nephews between the ages of 1 and 5. I was at my cousins house for dinner a month or so back. We were having spaghetti. My 3 year-old nephew ChrisTopher comes running to the table and my cousins tells him in Chinese “take your clothes off”. He gets this big goofy grin and proceeds to awkwardly undress with some assistance as only a 3 year-old can, hop up into his chair, and attack his spaghetti. I guess its a good and amusing way to not have to wash tomato sauce out of clothes. Would have been more amusing if it was a Swedish model sitting across from me. A boy can dream.
Topher is also starting to get really into Power Rangers. Though not quite in the way you would think. He was playing with two Red Rangers. I thought they were fighting until I got closer and heard a smacking sound. Yeah, the Red Ranger was making out with the Red Ranger and my nephew couldn’t have been any more satisfied with himself. Hmmmm.
The Caps started out the season 3-0-0. As a long-suffering Washington Capitals fan, this was great. But then they proceeded to stink up the joint getting Coach Glen Hanlon fired after a 6-14-1 record, good for worst in the whole league. Since Hanlon’s firing they’ve gone 10-6-4 and gotten themselves back into playoff contention. No doubt this has something to do with new coach Bruce Boudreau. But I’m convinced it has more to do with Segways. You read correctly. Segways. Check this out:
Mom, I want a Segway for my birthday.
Texting while driving is set to become illegal in Virginia. Okay, logical enough. But, the ban would also extend to texting while riding a bike, riding an electric scooter, and operating an electric scooter. What? Well, Andy had this commentary on it (I would like to note, he has to pollute my blog with his thoughts because he shut down his blog. Something about a tv show and a girlfriend, but not his girlfriend, his friend’s girlfriend, because he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Yeah, I was that confused when he was trying to explain it to me):
My buddy’s girlfriend crashed her car into another while texting one night in DC. No one was hurt but when I heard the story later, I wondered if there was really a worse state her intelligence could have dropped to. I mean, if trying to compose “lolz no u r my snuggly wuggly” whilst manuevering a 2 ton metal vehicle through the already clusterfucked streets of NE at 2 in the morning doesn’t inherently seem like a bad idea to you, I don’t know that there’s much to be done. Oh, and not being able to text from your wheelchair? You better hope you end up on the island from Lost if you ever want to use your phone again
And some other commenter on the dcist message board had this to say:
Also, Barry Hussein won the Iowa Democratic Caucus. A certain person who shall remain unnamed thinks that means I owe her a homecooked gourmet meal. But really, she owes us all a streak across McKeldin Mall.
Happy New Year everybody.
….while driving, is the point.
Should it be specifically illegal? Maybe. Maybe not. It would be like passing a law SPECIFICALLY prohibiting the whole caveman battleship scenario. Do we really need to legislate against suicidal foolishness? Evidently….