Running Around in Circles March 9, 2008
Posted by wes285 in Appreciate the Prose.Tags: Family, Growing Up, Home, Life, Mistakes, Running in Circles
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I’m halfway through my life and I’m never quite sure if I’m doing anything right until I’m completely done doing it wrong.
-Danny Concannon from The West Wing
Okay, I’m only about a third of the way through my life and I’m pretty sure it isn’t everything that I’m doing wrong. Just a lot of them. I wish there was a guidebook that told you what you’re supposed to do in any situation. But this is real life, and I guess it’s part of growing up. I’m just afraid one day I’m going to wake up and be 50 still wondering if I’m doing this right.
I turned 23 about a month ago. Ever since I’ve been walking around in a bit of a daze wondering what the hell I’m doing. It isn’t that I feel lost. It’s that I’m walking around in circles and every time I make another round I notice another new thing that I don’t like. That new thing makes me force myself out of the circle. But, somehow, I always end up back on the beaten path. I don’t know. Maybe we are just the way we are. There are the little things that we can change, but the major things, that’s just who we are. Part of our personality. What makes us the individuals that we are.
One of my good friends was back home this weekend, so I was back to see him. I ended up staying at my parents’ house for the night and spent most of the next day back home running errands I had planned to do in D.C. They’re only about a half hour drive away and its a nice change of pace. I find it’s a good place to go when I’m in one of my moods. I don’t always come back with the answers I’m looking for. But for a short time, I’m able to put down whatever weight I have on my back and let things be.
Both pairs of my dress shoes needed a shine, so I brought them back with me to use my dad’s kit (yes, I shine my own shoes, it’s what sophisticated gentlemen do). Like a responsible adult, I put newspaper down on the floor so the polish wouldn’t get all over the kitchen floor. My dad walked by, and being my dad, told me to make sure not to let the polish fall off the newspaper when I was finished. I gave him my usual quizzical “what do you think I am?” look to which he responded with an anecdote from when I was about 5 years old. I was eating a cookie or something and like a proper 5 year old was dropping crumbs all over my shirt. My dad and I had the following exchange:
Dad: Be careful when you get up. You have crumbs all over your shirt.
Me: Don’t worry, they’ll just all fall to the ground when I get up.
He didn’t say what happened after I made that comment. But I’m willing to bet that I got up, dusted my shirt off and went to go find a toy.
Like I said, I can just go home and let things be.
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Appreciate the Prose:
Angels Unawares, I found this through another blog, The Last Spartan, that I read regularly. Listen to what the old lady has to say.
“I’m just afraid one day I’m going to wake up and be 50 still wondering if I’m doing this right”
Sweetie, but you WILL wake up at 50 and question your life…and you’ll do the same thing at 60 and God willing, even 70.
Don’t think of doubt as a negative. Sometimes, doubt keeps us productive
I’m very close to celebrating the 50th anniversary of lifelong confusion. Like you, I worried about my life. I was 23 and wondered what am I doing? What WILL I be doing?
I continued to ask that question. Sometimes I had the answers and sometimes I didn’t. You just cannot predict how the wheel of fortune will fall. There are so many variables in life.
You can plan it out with the precision of a flow chart and a script but that doesn’t matter There will be upheavals and problems and SNAFUS and oh so many disappointments and disappointments, dear boy, are unavoidable facts of life.
Make plans, have dreams and goals and above all, have a vision, but if this old 48 year old woman can impart one tiny bit of wisdom to you–something life has taught me– it would be to remain flexible in body, mind and spirit. Accept change because change will be abundant in the years ahead of you. Be willing to go with the proverbial flow.
Because those who can’t bend, break.
Good luck and thanks for linking to me,
Laurie Kendrick
Laurie-
Thanks. It’s a little bit reassuring to know this is normal. Haha…also I wasn’t referring to you as the old lady. I was referring to the lady with the note.
No, I got that completely…not to worry.
And yes, you are perfectly normal. Those who think they have their entire lives laid out are only going to be sorely disappointed.
It just doesn’t work like that. That’s why it’s important to be malleable and accepting of change. That’s because life cam throw curve balls like Roger Clemens on roids.
You have to choose whether to get beaned and walk OR…take a chance at hitting a homer out of the park. And then again, there are times you WILL strike out.
But there’s always another game down the line.
Life’s like that.
LK
I am 27, so I won’t say “When I was 23…” That is obnoxious, but…
I think when you stop questioning is when you are really screwed. In the past five years or so, I have finally started to admit how much I don’t know. You think you figure it out and know who you are, but then you realize how wring you were all along. It was incredibly hard for me…what does it mean to admit maybe you don’t even know yourself? Brutal.
Admitting I didn’t know everything about myself made me face some hard truths and really examine what I want out of life. I am still working on it, but much closer.
Thank God… Introspection gets tedious.
It isn’t the individual questions that bother me. It’s that when you add all the questions up, it seems like I’m questioning almost everything. That’s what scares me.
Although, now that I’m told this is normal, it’s a little less unsettling. But only a little.
Do as much stupid stuff as possible while you can still use your age as an excuse.